Daisy, Just Daisy |

Love and Marriage

October 15, 2009

Hi, I’m Katie. Sometimes known as Overflowing Brain. Sometimes known as Daisy’s separated-at-birth twin sister. Except that I’m 2 weeks older and wiser. Emphasis on the wiser.

Daisy asked me to share some of my sunshine and amazing writing talent with you here while she’s honeymooning, and since I missed her wedding, this is the least I can do.

My husband and I got married a little over a year ago, well, unless you ask the state of California. One of about 10,000 catastrophes on our big day was noticing a typo on our marriage license (that the always quick-paced state of California has yet to fix), so my husband is married to some chick named Kathnyn. I hear she’s pretty awesome. Anyways…

When we were planning our wedding all our married friends kept warning us that the first year of marriage was going to be hard. And I thought they were being a little ridiculous. I mean, we’d been living together (IN SIN!) for almost 2 years before we got married and there was no mystery left. Surely we’d had every fight we could think of in our 4 years of dating. I mean really. What was there left to fight about? Boy was it a long year of eating my words.

Because that first year of marriage? Is hard. I will preface this with the fact that I am known for being a tiny bit dramatic, but it’s like being married ENCOURAGED me to catastrophize. My husband would forget to put the shower curtain inside the tub, which, pre-marriage would bug me on a small scale. But post wedding, as I was cleaning the water up, I would think to myself, I’m going to be sopping water off the bathroom floor FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Which, while true, is not the point. Because dudes, it’s water and the world will keep turning even if it’s on the floor. The point is that many people have survived this first year and there are so many good tips on how to manage arguments in a marriage. So I’m going to share my favorites. For Daisy. And B. Because I love them that much.

And because I just survived the first year of marriage and remember it with alarming clarity.

1. Before engaging in any argument, consider it’s merit. Literally take a moment and say, is this video game controller (true story kids) really worth a three hour argument? I should warn you that in the history of my life, I’ve never answered “no” to the question of whether an argument is worth it. But, that little pause provides ALL KINDS OF TIME for planning your attack. Er, I mean rational conversation.

2. Always let the other person speak their mind. Because most arguments are won by allowing the other person to dig themselves into a hole. Seriously. That’s a scientific fact.

3. Don’t go to bed angry. No good comes from this almost ever. Women will steep on it and prepare entire monologues in their heads of what they want to ~~yell~~ say and men will forget it ever happened. And that combination? leads to a wifely ambush which, while cathartic on SO many levels, just never ends well.

4. Be patient with one another. You are two unique people and it will take time before you bend the will of the other. And be crafty about it too. The whole goal is to get your spouse to want to do things your way.

5. Always be the first one to apologize. Because it always makes the other person look like the jackass.

All kidding aside, we know that marriages will not work without effort, but that is true of all the things in life that are really worthwhile. Marriage is a bond, it’s like a club where only you and your spouse are members. It’s like a secret that you share that no one else will ever understand. And that you don’t want anyone else to understand. The love you experience in a marriage makes you feel unique and special, because you are forever unique and special in the eyes of another person.

One of my very favorite quotes on love is by Amy Bloom. She said, “Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.”

To my dear friend Daisy and her lovely husband B, may you have a lifetime to live this miracle.

Bon Voyage

October 5, 2009

By Daisy

In five days (FIVE. DAYS.) I’m getting married. This is a concept hard to wrap my brain around- like many girls I’ve dreamt of my wedding day since I was a little girl. To have such a big, life-altering event hanging in the air right before me is simultaneously overwhelming, exciting, exhilarating and a wee bit nerve wracking. Then I look over at B, who no matter the task at hand is calm and collected, and I can’t help but try to borrow some of his serenity. I fret, I make lists, I double-check them, I fold everything again in the suitcases. He laughs at me and tells me to sit down and watch some television, read a book, take a hot bath. He isn’t worried- I shouldn’t be either.

* * *

As I make lists and double check emails & program numbers into my phone, I can’t help but realize (thanks to this lovely post by Holly at Nothing But Bonfires) that our friends and family – 146 of them to be exact – are packing bags, taking vacation days, boarding flights & checking into hotel rooms to be a part of this day. The thought is overwhelming- 146 people - but is has become my new mantra. 146 people want to witness us get married, want to support us in this endeavor, want to be there while we say “I do” and toast each other with champagne & cut cake and dance our first dance. 146 people is a lot of love, a lot of support, a lot of fried oysters. Goodness I hope I’ve ordered enough fried oysters.

* * *

To say that I’m marrying the perfect person for me is an understatement. For those who know us in real life (Hi Mom!) they tell us- sometimes more often than we’d like to hear: “You know. You two are just kind of…perfect for each other.” I don’t know if it is because we both just talktalktalktalk, and then talk some more, or the way B reminds me not to sweat the small stuff, or how I truly enjoy spending an afternoon getting his birthday cupcakes just right, or how he still keeps the “I love you, good luck” note I wrote him once & tucked in his lunch in his lunch sack. The note is tattered and crinkled and falling apart and twice I’ve tried to take it out and toss it – but he simply takes the ugly piece of paper, my words faded and streaked by now, and folds it back up & tucks it back inside his lunch bag. I roll my eyes at him, but secretly, I’m overwhelmed that I’m marrying the person who thinks my notes, written on a piece of cream stationary to let him know that he’d win his first trial (he did) are worth keeping. He thinks I’m worth keeping. I think he is too.

* * *

As much as I’m looking forward to the wedding, with so much intensity I think I might just burst from it all, I’m looking forward to the honeymoon. Napa Valley, one of the places in the US that neither B nor I have ever been. I’m envisioning lush hills, tasty bistros and quiet romance. I’m looking forward to crisp evenings & tall glasses of wine and cheese. I plan on eating a lot of cheese if for no other reason that this is my honeymoon and I like cheese. As a gift to each other, B & I are locking our phones in the hotel safe. No email, no phone calls, no blogs or Twitter or Sportacular score updates. Sans technology this one is. It will be deliciously wonderful.

* * *

Given my “technology hiatus” this is the last you’ll hear from me for awhile- when I pop back over here I’ll be Mrs. B and I’ll be wearing my wedding band instead of just “trying it on” as I keep doing, so much so that B tells me “Trying it on isn’t a euphemism for wearing it before you are supposed to. Put it away!” In the interim, three lovely ladies who I very much enjoy will be posting sporadically in my absence. Be sure to give Overflowing Brain, Dysfunction Junction & Moosh In Indy the warm welcome they deserve. Bon Voyage!

That’s The Spirit

October 2, 2009

By Daisy

Word has just come through that Chicago is out, over, finito for the 2016 Olympic Games. If you live in Illinois, this is probably a surprise as our papers have been trumpeting our superior bid for weeks if not months – I mean we held the ace cards with Oprah, Obama & Obama, Mrs. I have to imagine that King Mayor Daley is throwing a midget-sized temper tantrum right about now because don’t you know the world is here to eat out of Daley’s palm? I mean, everyone knows the only reason the nation voted for Obama was because Mayor Daley needed a friend in DC that could theoretically be more important than him. (If you live in Chicago you know that Mayor Daley truly believes he is more important than some fancy old President but that is a post for another day.) I can say that I’m happy our Mayor was brought down a peg or two in a world spotlight…but…anyway. I digress.

The last three US Olympic Games (1984 – Los Angeles, 1996 – Atlanta, & 2002- Salt Lake City) have been held at a time and place when either my immediately family (as in me, Bubba & Mama & Daddy) or my grandparents lived in the Olympic city. Which is to say that my family has taken the opportunity to volunteer & truly embrace the idea that your little city is hosting the world. In 1984 a family member of mine was one of the head-honcho volunteers for the equestrienne events, in 1996 my Grandparents were the official US host-family for a small European sailing team. My Grandfather got to walk in the Opening Ceremony with his team & when a huge part of their boat broke, he paid for it on his AmX & was reimbursed a week later with a cashiers check directly from said European government. In 2002 my parents got into the spirit & were both full time volunteers for the Salt Lake City Games, going so far as to host 15 other volunteers in our basement. My Mother helped with security at venues (wanding Wayne Gretzky twice) & stood two feet away from the finish line as the US women won the luge competition & had a front row seat the Apollo Anton show, and my Dad had enough skiing ability to be one of the few Mountain Men at the skiing venues. He woke up at 4:00 am every day to trudge up the mountain & ice/scrape courses, plant safety netting & oh yeah- stand there as Bode & Fritz Strobl flew on by. As volunteers my family has earned venue tickets, meals & more articles of clothing with the rings embroidered on them then you can shake a stick at. We’ve taken part in something pretty amazing- hosting the world- and had a great time doing it. My Dad had so much fun (and has enough skiing ability) that he also worked a few World Cup skiing events & is part of a team that the IOC has asked to return for the Vancouver games.

As a result of this Family Legacy, I was fairly excited that Chicago was in the running as a host city. From personal experience I can tell you it is fun to live in a host town. Your infrastructure gets cleaned up. You get some pretty parks & countdown clocks & there is a buzz in the air as people sweep sidewalks & hang banners. There is also the controversy, and in a town like Chicago I’m sure we’d be full of it. Our much-adored King Mayor gets things done the “old-fashioned” way with corruption & back room deals and there is no doubt that would be part of Chicago’s Olympic legacy. Our taxes might go up. Parking would be a nightmare & for a few weeks we wouldn’t be able to get a dinner reservation anywhere. Certain well-connected figures would profit handsomely with real estate deals & contracts and the Chicago sailing scene would be politely asked forced to find another part of the lakefront to sail on more than a year prior to the Games.

Call me crazy – after all I lived in the town that hosted Mardi Gras once a year & it didn’t faze me too much – but I think, perhaps, for that 16 days it is worth it. The fuss and the money and the complaining, because suddenly, when that torch is lit & the athletes stroll among your bistros & shopping centers & Katie Couric is taping a sound bite on your favorite pizza place for a world televised broadcast, all seems right with the world. For a brief moment in time you captivate the world, showcase your local gems & hopefully put on one hell of a party. There are medals & parades and the sun shines and the lake sparkles. I think that if Salt Lake City can host the world with great fanfare & good will, Chicago could probably do the same.

So yes, I can honestly say I’m a little disappointed. Tonight I”ll let the Chicagoans who “Backed the Rio Bid” celebrate & have their moment in the sun. They got what they hoped for. Our Mayor will return to the Fifth Floor of City Hall & perhaps focus on the recent beatings of area teenagers, our parking meter controversy or work on the fact that we have the highest sales tax in the nation – 10.25%, FTW!- and Chicago can remove the 2016 signs from the busses and park benches. To those “Back the Rio Bid” protesters, I simply say, you have no idea what we missed out on. Perhaps it is for the best, but now we will never know.

Doomsday, 2008 Style

October 1, 2009

By Daisy

Today is October 1 which means, for the State of Illinois, a certain percentage of the population is either: (a) hitting “refresh” on their internet browser over & over again; (b) weeping with joy; (c) weeping with depression & visions of homelessness; or (d) weeping and not sure why. This is because traditionally on October 1, the results of the July seating of the Illinois bar exam are released to the poor applicants.

I say traditionally of course because I have no clue if the IBABY site crashed again, but in my year (2008) they decided to go all crazy & change up the process of notification a mere two days prior to the results. Every year in years past they told you at the exam you’d find out mid-October. What this meant (and everyone knew) was that you’d log into the site on October 1, precisely at midnight during the shift from September 30 to October 1 & you could see your results. Then a few days later you’d get a confirmation letter in the mail. This of course is unless you pulled a stunt like Law With Grace & lost your log-in pin number in which case you couldn’t access your results online and instead you had to wait for the results in the mail. Snail mail. Agony.

Of course last year, a few days prior to October 1 this small little message popped up on the IBABY website with some sort of sick, twisted sentence that read something along the lines of:

Just F-ing Kidding With You

(Suckahs)

Then some sort of message about “a few days early” and “send you an email and THEN you log in” but it was sort of lost in translation and instead read: EARLY? MOTHER F-ING EARLY? WHAT? THE? FFFFFFFF? and at that moment thousands of nervous terrified twenty-somethings tried to log into the IBABY (Side Note: most tragic acronym ever)system (we were not waiting for no email) and proceded to bring the house down. And by bring the house down I mean we destroyed any semblance of the IBABY website & instead you got these tragic error messages and frozen screens and then…then the world imploded. At least in the world according to US and at that point, US was all that mattered.

Of course you know the end of the story: IBABY had to scold us all, and at some point the site started working intermittently but not before the “results” window came & went with no results & as a result of that there was no vodka or whiskey left in the Midwest and rumors of suit-wearing people talking to themselves and screaming at computer screens and wandering aimlessly at 2 am around city streets could be heard. I gave up around midnight the night of the 1st and instead went to bed, only to be woken every hour or so by a text from someone with a pleading message of “Have you checked?” and I was like “NO I HAVE NOT -I HAVEN’T SLEPT IN TWO DAYS AND I HATE THE WORLD AND IBABY AND STOP BOTHERING MAH BEAUTY SLEEPS” and finally at one point, in frustration and exhaustion and sleep, I thought I hit an “end” button on my iPhone and instead I opened the web browser which was clearly set to IBABY and suddenly, lo & behold I was logged in and the words “CONGRATULATIONS” were there and I sort of just blinked.

And blinked some more.

And then realized hey man, the site was working! And I passed!

And I never did get that email they promised me.

Networking 101

September 28, 2009

By Daisy

I realize my last post gave you a very strong command: network, network, network. Then, network some more. The truth is, networking is THE CORNERSTONE of professional careers, legal or otherwise. The adage of “It isn’t what you know, it is who you know” is so true- and while it can only get you so far, that “so far” line can be a lot further than where you would get by your lonesome. That said, networking can be tough & law students (and other young professionals) are often thrown into an event with little to no pointers. This of course means you learn as you go- and I’ve seen some awful crash & burns. Nothing is worse than standing at some networking event, holding your plastic tumbler of wine & watching a friend or classmate go out on a limb they had no business being on. So here are my Networking 1o1 pointers- and again, if you have any tips (or stories…) please feel free to share.

Make business cards. They should not be pink, smelly, graphics laden or contain cute catch-phrases or spelling errors. Something simple:

Daisy Smith

Law Student, Jones University College of Law

djd.daisyjdATgmailDOTcom

312-444-4444

So there you are at your first networking event. Get yourself one drink- and remember your drink says a lot about you, so avoid getting a cosmo or Malibu & pineapple- and find a friend. Chat for a few moments. Scope out the alumni, attorneys, or whoever it is you are supposed to be networking with. Go up, introduce yourself, offer a professional handshake & ask them what they do, what brings them here, or something along those lines. Let them ask you questions- don’t pepper them with your stats or GPA.

Professional handshake you ask? Something firm (not bone-breaking) that conveys you are not going to wilt under pressure. Limp handshakes are for old ladies at church functions. Law students & the like should have a handshake that conveys self confidence. Practice with a friend if need be.

If you find yourself in a conversation with a practicing attorney that is going well- they love your college football team! they practice the area of law you love! your older siblings were friends in high school!- and you’d be interested in working for this person, make it known that you’d like to continue the conversation outside of the networking event. This of course does not mean informing them you’d really like a job. This means that you end it with something like this: “Jim, I’ve really enjoyed talking with you this evening. Perhaps you have time this month to meet- I’d like to take you to lunch and learn more about your practice and any advice you might have for a law student who is interested in immigration law.” Then you hand them your business card. If they seem interested, it would behoove you to ask for their card in return. Make it clear you are not hitting them up for a free meal or creepily hitting on them (don’t ask to meet up for drinks- just don’t) and that you want to discuss career advice. Then, golden rule, follow up with them (via email) the next day & again, check for spelling errors. Use their title. Suggest a location near their office in your price range. If you get lucky you might get a free lunch & a job out of it. If not- try again.

Don’t monopolize any one attorney’s time, no matter how good the conversation is. Look at it this way: if you are having such a great conversation with them, let them talk to a few of your imbecile classmates to really highlight how much you stand out. Monopolizing time is a no-no; and you never know if the next attorney down the way has even more for you to learn.

Networking events are not the place to discuss beer pong or your summer antics. That said, they are a change for you to show some personality so don’t be a stuffed shirt. Mentioning your love of travel or your enjoyment of foreign films gives you some dimension, so don’t think you must stick only to the topic at hand. Tread wisely though, and make sure you don’t get too far into a story about your last trip to Tahiti before you realize that the person you are talking to is bored out of their minds or wondering why on earth you think what you are saying is appropriate to share. Give yourself some personality but reign it in before you sound immature or idiotic.

Networking events are going to get you as much as you try to get out of them. If you get drunk, stand in the corner with your friends, or try to stuff your resume into an attorney’s hand you are going to walk away disappointed. That said, going to a networking event and using it to your advantage could be the step up you need to get you that first job. I have at least three good friend’s who got their first job out of law school from connections them made at a 1L networking event our first semester. Good luck!