Some time ago, back on my old blog, I shared some tips for the bar exam. My friend’s tell me this exam (and the study period for it) is creeping up once again, so I thought I’d share my wise knowledge with the masses once more. Today I’ll cover a topic near and dear to my heart, how to handle the bar exam as the significant other of someone taking the exam. Let’s face it, you need some help navigating the murky months ahead because the person you love & think you know is going to morph into a sanctimonious asshole. Or a mopey Eeyore. Either way, they’ll be spouting acronyms and phrases and you’ll poke them at 3 in the morning asking what on earth the fee simple structure of Blackacre has to do with anything. So, without further ado, from the girl who’s been on both sides of the exam (a double whammy of two summers in a row, thanks to my husband & I being a year apart in law school………):
Tips For The Loved Ones of Bar Examinees
1. Ha. Ha Ha. I’m sorry for you. Please take your calendar, mark off the end of May, June and July and start making plans without your significant other. Do not plan on birthing babies, getting married, closing on a house or moving during this time frame. (Ok fine, sometimes you can’t reschedule things but you catch my drift) This person is going to have a one track mind and trying to insert other major life events during these few months will lead to frustration, tears and sleep exhaustion. LET THEM BE THE FREAKS THEY ARE BEING. DO NOT POKE THE DRAGON.
2. Quietly write down every time they snap at you, are short with you, are mean to you, or don’t unload the dishwasher. At the end of the day, look at the list and tear it up. When it is all over, demand they make it up to you (vacation, dinner out, a new handbag or suit, whatever floats your boat) but trying to call them out on it during this time frame is pointless and you’ll end up angrier then you were. They will also miss their “torts” hour of their color coded study schedule and will subsequently spend two days trying to figure out how to get that hour back. Accept that the person you love is now the MOST SELFISH PERSON EVER and dream of ways for them to make it up to you in August. Think: champagne. Also: DO NOT POKE THE DRAGON.
3. Provide food and clean clothes. With three weeks left to the exam the person you love will start rationalizing why these things are not necessary to survive the next three weeks and will attempt to cut them out of daily living. That or they will order a pizza every. single. night. and you might get sick of that. Help them out and make sure they have clean skivvies and some leftovers in the fridge to heat up. They will remember this afterwards and your make-up vacation will be boosted from Las Vegas to Hawaii. Or something like that.
4. When they wake you up at three in the morning with nausea, tears or uncontrollable shakes, please murmur sweet nothings to them. Do not try to rationalize with them. Do not tell them it will all be ok and you know they will pass (mostly because you run a 50-50 chance of WAKING THE DRAGON). Provide supportive words, realize this person is not sane in the head, and try to convince them to just go to sleep. You can laugh about this after they pass the exam (but not during the time frame between the exam and the results).
5. Do not question their studying diligence or lack thereof. Do not question them as though they are spending too much time studying (trust me, they are not) but don’t try to insinuate they are not studying enough. Plenty of people play golf the entire summer leading up the exam and pass with flying colors. Plenty of people study every single day for 18 hours a day and pass with flying colors. And plenty of people do one of the above and bomb terribly. Don’t question how the person is trying to go about it. Let them do it their way & offer any suggestions after the fact, not during. Also: suggestions during the time period of taking the exam & the results of the exam are not necessary, needed or wanted. In fact, during that tenuous time frame, please make every attempt to not discuss the exam. Please. For your sake.
6. Do not expect anything out of your loved one for two days after the exam. That period of time is called being “shell-shocked” and they will likely sleep, come down with a horrific case of mono/strep throat/EBOLA, and/or wander around muttering things about the second half of the MBE, they swear there was a secured transaction question buried in there, OH MY GOODNESS I FAILED, AHHHHH. Just pack for that promised trip and start praying that they passed.
7. Do not remove the various memory-jogging devices, outlines, phrases or sticky notes from the bathroom mirror, the bedroom walls, the shower, the fridge, the silverware drawer or taped to the box of Rice Krispies.
8. Do not call them during the hours of the exam, or within two hours of either side of the exam. Frankly your loved one shouldn’t be SO STUPID as to have their phone with them in the exam room (automatic fail if it rings, they don’t care who you are, who was calling or why it wasn’t your fault EVEN IF YOU ARE ON THE ORGAN TRANSPLANT LIST) but on the off chance they do and they are EVEN MORE STUPID and didn’t turn the ringer off, do not be the Mother/Wife/Husband/Sibling/Girlfriend/Boyfriend of legends and call them during the exam, causing their phone to ring, and causing the person you love to automatically fail the exam. Especially during the last half an hour of the second or third day so you can congratulate them on finishing. Just. Don’t. Wait for them to get in touch with you, or better yet, set a meeting place for after the exam and JUST DON’T CALL. For every-one’s sake.
9. If you live in the State of Illinois, remind your significant other not to wear flip flops to the exam. Yes, it is a stupid rule set by the board of Bar Examiners but if you accidentally wear them you have to go barefoot for the whole day and, well, ew. The rule has to do with people flipping out (pun intended) when someone wearing flip-flops gets up to use the restroom during the exam and smackity smacks their way out of the room, annoying everyone else deep in concentration. (I know. Dumb.) So, uh, just gently remind them to wear shoes that don’t flip & flop.
10. Again. I’m sorry.
You’re not even kidding, not one little bit. My roommate lived with me while studying for the bar and taking the bar. All I have to say is that the state of NC is evil when it comes to how they grade this exam, just pure evil!
I have printed this list out and will give it to Elle Woods.
Even though I am not taking the bar, but rather the CPA exam, I am forwarding a copy of this on to my S/O. I think the rules stand for all S/O of individuals taking intense, career changing standardized exams.
Besides, if they don’t follow it, they’re only making things worse for themselves in the long run.
i’m already a raging bitch, this should be fun. and i’m pretty sure satan created the bar exam to play with people already not right in the head.
Oh how I wish I had sent this to Clay in January. Well, if things didn’t go my way, I’m going to have you send it to him as “Beth’s Anonymous Friend” next month.
this applies especially when you are a parent with your 25 year old child living at home while studying for the bar. it was okay to push and prod your kid when she was 15 and refusing to clean up or leave her room for dinner, but try it the july of the bar exam and you’re going to get the biggest bitchfit known to mankind AND she won’t do her dishes when she decides to raid the fridge. make her do nightly dishes while she waits for results.
the biggest thing for me was my dire need of people in this house to JUST RESPECT THE SIGNS! The sign on my door that said “studying. IM me if you need something” was not an invitation to knock. it was an invitation to send me a message that I can answer when I have a break. it was also an invitation to shut the hallway door and to keep it down. I suppose the point is that SO’s really need to respect the boundaries set down. examinees will venture out of their heads when they choose to.
I am so printing several copies of this to pass out to my family, my man, and certain friends… Thanks Daisy!
So true. I moved from Texas and took the Illinois bar while I was living with my sister and her now husband, then boyfriend. I felt so bad for them. I know several couples who broke up during the exam study period, and even several weddings that were called off during this time. I know it sounds selfish and crazy, but the person actually taking the bar is going to be a wreck.
I would add that you should plan a trip for your loved one. I went to Grand Cayman for 2 weeks the day after the exam. Also plan fun activities to do while your beloved is waiting for the results. ALWAYS have booze on hand and in mass quantities.
P.S. I didn’t know about the flip flop rule, maybe that came after I took the bar. I still can’t believe it was 4 years ago this summer. Now I feel old.
All so true.
The best thing my husband did for me during the bar study summer from hell was go camping for the entire weekend before the test. First, I made up a list of all the foods I would need for studying. It pretty much read “Bacon, Oreos, Red Vines, more bacon, Reisling, sourdough bread from Trader Joe’s, pink and purple nerds, little things of Cherry Garcia (you know the really cute ones? love them), navel oranges, strawberries, cinnamon rolls, bananas, pecans, boursin cheese, bacon” and so forth. And he bought all of it, no questions asked, no judgment. Because he knew I would kill him if he missed anything or questioned me. And then he left. And stayed gone. It was great.