Archive for the ‘Career Advice’ Category

First Comes Love

May 12th, 10 / 19 Comments

For many people life is a list of milestones that one is meant to check off in successive order. After The Man imposed hierarchy of grade-school-middle-school-high-school many move on to college, graduate school, love, marriage, baby carriage, retirement, blah blah blah. A punch list. A neatly numbered “To Do” entry in life’s log.

 

This weekend I attended a baby shower (twin girls! nom nom nom!) and it was full of pink and swirls and cupcakes and happiness. And while it was oh-so happy and lovely I found this little part of my brain thinking “Yeah this cupcake is gonna be reaaaal helpful at that 3 am feeding in a few months….enjoy it now… while another part of my brain was thinking “Babies! Nom Nom NOM! Must have one or ten of MY VERY OWN!”

 

 (You can see how I spend good parts of my days in conflict, no?)

 

Recently I’ve noticed a few bloggers (about my age or somewhat in the vicinity) who have written about their decision to not have children. I can honestly say that I 100% support their decision. Kids are not….a requirement. They are an obligation, that many people take on happily (others perhaps not so much, but uh, I don’t have all day here) but I’m finding more and more people that I know who are choosing other things. Travel, cars, charity work, animals, friends, family. They are simply choosing to devote their time and money to other endeavors they find fulfilling.

 

When B & I went through our pre-marital counseling, our pastor (who is married, happily with five kids) said something that stuck with me: “Don’t wait to have children. By far the hardest guidance I have to provide isn’t to couples who have gone through death in the family or are considering divorce, but married couples who struggle with infertility, especially when age is a factor. The guilt is enormous.” It seemed..sincere. Realistic. Thought-provoking.

 

I’ve known, without a doubt, for my entire life that I wanted children. A gaggle of them. Games of tag, hand drawn birthday cards, farewell parties when the oldest goes to college, giant celebrations when the youngest graduates. I want a nest filled with chickadees who turn into wonderful people with lives and interests, who perhaps have my curls or huge teeth but hopefully not my musical talent (read: NONE). Maybe I’ll have a little girl who tries to-out princess my younger days (read: IMPOSSIBLE) or a boy who idolizes astronauts.

 

B grew up an only child and I think I can simply say he has no wish for a gaggle. Sure, he’s happy with the idea of a kid or maybe even two (but as someone who enjoyed being an only child, the idea of Just One is ok with him too) but he feels no need to help set up the neighborhood soccer team. Besides, he reminds me, have you noticed how expensive kids are? Car seats and high chairs and sailing lessons and field trip fees and private school (we live in the city…) tuition and college, which incidentally, my goodness! Why so pricey Mr. Higher Education?

Right now I have a husband, a life, a fledgling career. I have student loans that can only be described as “An Assload of Debt” and a car that we’d like to replace sooner rather than later. We have an itinerary in Europe this fall, and are trying to find a few days to sneak back to Napa Valley for more wine and breathtaking views. We have date nights that require no babysitter payment and our dog, while awfully whiny at times, has yet to announce “I HATE YOU” and stomp off to his room to listen to something angsty at a volume that bothers the neighbors. I worry about my grocery list but not if I signed a field-trip permission slip & when something bad happens in the world I have no little ears to explain it to.

I suppose what I’m saying is, for a girl who had a Plan and Timeline for everything in life, this one seems bigger than just me and B. It changes everything, it re-centers our world, tilting our axis to a degree we didn’t know existed. Some days I think I just can’t wait another moment for a little Baby B and then in in an instant, or on long days, I find myself sighing in relief that we have a little more time to plan something else, even if it is just the great bottle of wine that will pair nicely with our homemade pasta on a Friday night.

 

(Discussion welcome, all thoughts allowed.)

Career Advice, Education, Family, Married Life, Travel, Wedding

Act Your Age

Apr 20th, 10 / 24 Comments

When I was a Senior Law Clerk and a 3L in law school I realized that while I was entering a very “professional profession” (redundant much?) I look young. Specifically a combination of long blonde hair, a love of sunscreen and lack of wrinkles, a generally upbeat attitude and an over-use of the word “like” in an inappropriate way meant that I looked, sounded and simply was young. And as a young woman in a profession dominated by old men, I knew I was going to struggle to be taken seriously. After my last few posts on looking professional I’ve gotten some emails and comments with people asking more specific questions, so without further ado, I present to you my tips & thoughts on being as polished & professional as you can at a time when someone might seriously ask you to go get them a cup of coffee.  Please, ladies & gents, add your own in the comments section.

  • For solid fashion advice (on everything from profesionally incorporating fashion trends to where-to-find-it) I suggest every woman read Corporette with diligence. She is fresh & stylish but always professional.
  • Find a local shoe-shine man. If you work in any sort of a city you should be able to find one with relative ease. I don’t care if you are a man or a woman, the shoe shine man is a $5 (don’t forget to to tip…) investment that pays off in dividends. Nothing screams “YOUNG’UN” like scuffed shoes (or, worse, shoes that can’t be polished, which are inherently unprofessional) and for $5+tip (tip generously!) you will fit the part. Not to mention, you’ll soon find the juicy dirt on everyone because lets face it, all the big-wigs are getting their shoes shined. (Chicagoans: I heartily endorse the shoe shine stand on the East side of City Hall who might or might not, cough cough, shine The King’s shoes himself.) Ladies, if you are wearing a skirt for your shine, bring something to drape over your lap or wait until a day you are wearing slacks, unless you are the peep-show type.
  • Work on making sure your spoken grammar is appropriate. I have to fine myself a dollar every time I hear myself using “like” as in, “The witness was like, completely unprepared.” Yikes. Talk about sounding like a Valley Girl- and under the age of 21.
  • I got a pretty specific question regarding wool suits, so here are my thoughts: wool or linen suits are a great investment (I personally can’t wear linen because I can’t stand the wrinkles, but I know people who pull them off well). I’m about 5’5, I have curves but I’m not plus-sized, and I absolutely cannot wear suits from Express or Limited as they are too narrow in sizing, and frankly, are often cut in a way that I think makes me look even younger. I think that for those just starting out, a suit that comes with both a pencil skirt & pants is a great investment. The least favorite suit I ever bought was a cotton blend suit from J.Crew (for the summer months in Chicago, man can it get hot, especially walking to & from court) and it didn’t dry-clean well and left me with an expensive mismatched pair of slacks and blazer. Ugh. Lesson learned.  When I’m in the market for a new suit, I tend to check out the Ralph Lauren department at my local department store (flattering cuts & pretty details), Banana Republic (great pricing, and lots of 3 piece suits, steer clear of the “trendy” jackets), J.Crew (but try them all on, I’ve sadly learned that all of their suit pieces fit differently) and Brooks Brothers (classic!). I try to find fabrics that are a blend, which often adds a little stretch (read: comfort) and helps cut down on excessive wrinkling. Avoid 100% polyester, and remember, don’t wear your wool suit in July no matter how dire the dry-cleaning situation has become.
  • Quality shoes. If you are out of school & a professional, it is time to leave the Steve Madden heels at home and invest in some quality footwear. Cole Haan & Johnston and Murphy both have women’s lines that exude style and professionalism & are comfy to boot. Invest in a few good pairs of pumps and ballet flats from a brand that will resole them as needed, get them shined on a regular basis and you will be good to go for years to come. Men: invest in some good shoes that tie, can be re-soled and polished. Cordovan and black are two great colors to start with because they will go with every suit in your closet. Find a cobbler, and when the heel cap needs replacing, REPLACE IT. No one likes the woman who is click-clacking down a tiled hallway.
  • Before setting a ringtone on your phone ask yourself this: “If I forgot to turn my ringer off and this went off in a meeting/court/a patient exam would I be even more embarrassed by this?” and if the answer is yes, please, re-think the ring tone. That and practice turning your phone onto “silent” at all of the appropriate times.
  • A professional grade steamer is worth the investment. I have this sucker, and let me tell you, do not be dissuaded by the price. The amount of time & money I’ve saved with this is incredible, not to mention the life of my suits & dress clothes. I hardly ever have to iron, and the time between dry cleanings for my suits is long extended by steaming it in between wearings- it removes the annoying wrinkles around your elbows/knees, can refresh the fabric if a smoky or over-perfumed coworker leaned in too close to you, and will give you a polished look every day. It takes all of two minutes to steam your outfit for the day, and you will look, 100% better & more professional. B & I both use the steamer daily, and could not be happier.
  • Carrying cases. Men & women alike need something to carry their papers, court documents, or what have you to & from the office. It is time to do away with the cheap tote bag or North Face backpack. Women, avoid the pretty yet YOUNG and trendy tote bag with the Gucci or Coach logo splattered all over them. One or two quality leather bags (sized to FIT YOUR FRAME, Paris Hilton you are not)  that fit your note pads & files in them will last you a life time. Men, whether you go attache or briefcase is your own personal style, but leave the bumper stickers off & pick a fabric or leather that looks classy not dumpy. Adjust the straps so you carry it like an adult not a petulant teenager and always, always carry a pen. Always. Don’t get caught without a pen. You are old enough to bring your own now. Between B & I, we have two large Coach totes in black and saddle brown, and two Coach briefcases in black & deep brown. They are well cared for, handsome looking and don’t date us in either direction.
  • Invest in a simple business card holder for your pocket, brief case or bag. It will keep your cards neat & tidy & you’ll always know you have some when the time is right.  Nothing screams “newbie” more than handing over a dog-eared card from the bottom of your bag, or worse, not having one.
  • Make sure your voicemail greeting message is professional & demure. Now is not the time for “hit me up” or other colloquialisms. Make sure your full name, title, and company are included, as well as your assistant or secretary’s number or email if applicable.

 

  • Don’t carry your lunch in a Victoria’s Secret shopping bag.* Seriously. We all know (or hope) you wear undies, but advertising where you buy them from is one part classless and two parts tacky. It gets a message across but it certainly isn’t a message of recycling. Being green and reusing shopping bags isn’t a bad thing, but you should pay attention to what the logo imparts on those reading it. Your boss shouldn’t know where your underwear comes from, and if he sees you toting in your ham sandwich in a Gucci shopper every day, he might go ahead & assume you don’t need a raise either. *I’ve had friends work at firms/corporations where sack lunch was frowned on, because it “looked like they didn’t pay you enough to purchase your lunch.” I frown on that policy, but keep your ear to the ground in case you work somewhere like that. Secondly, I’ve also been told bringing your lunch in a re-used grocery store bag is like announcing you carry your food in the same container others use to pick up dog poop. I’m not saying it’s true, but it might be something worth pondering in your work-enviornment. Sharing is caring. I’m a fan of my neoprene BYO bag myself as it helps keeps things cool & fresh.
  • Inspirational quotes, pretty backgrounds & lots of fonts in your emails are not “cute” they are silly. Stick to the basics in your email, and, likewise,  keep your office “flair” to a few framed photos, a plant, a Dilbert clipping or two. Your flamingo collection need not make the journey with you. Sure, if you have a fantastic piece of artwork you would like in your office go for it, but please remember “fantastic artwork” and “framed drinking posters” are not synonymous.
  • Don’t wear your North Face jacket over your suit. Ok? Men & women alike should invest in wool coats for the winter, and light trenches for spring and fall that are professional & simple. Burberry, J.Crew, Banana Republic, Nordstrom, Hugo Boss, heck even TJ Max carry many, many jackets that fit the bill. Repeat after me: DO. NOT. WEAR. YOUR. SKI. COAT. OVER. YOUR. SUIT.
Career Advice, Education, Lawyers

Flip & Flop

Apr 13th, 10 / 13 Comments

Here’s the deal y’all. Being an attorney is a privilege. You spend years and years and years in school, you pass an incredibly hard exam, and you are given the privilege to appear in front of a judge and argue on your client’s behalf. Appearing in a courtroom was once (and in some circles still is) an honor, it is considered an incredibly formal & professional setting, and both the judge, your opposing counsel & your managing partner expect you to dress the part. Not dressing the part shows a lack of respect to the other individuals in the courtroom, your client, the law and yourself. I didn’t make a single comment or remark about what I find “fashionable” in my last post, only what was appropriate & professional.

 

And because I think it bears mentioning, I was almost disciplined in law school for arguing with a professor about skirt suits. Not because I hate them or won’t wear them, but because the professor insinuated our grade would be docked during an oral argument if we wore a pants suit, and when I asked for clarification the professor refused to answer the question (continuing with being “vague” about the answer) and I told her I’d play by the Old Boy’s Club in Federal Court but not in an oral exercise in school. (That didn’t go over well. I probably should have re-phrased it. Even if she was the worst professor in the entire history of the universe & should have just said “wear a skirt, it is required” rather than tap dancing around the issue.)  I don’t think law schools should require it, but your law professors would be remiss to not inform you that there is an entire generation of lawyers & judges who STILL PRACTICE AND MAKE DECISIONS AND HOLD GREAT SENIORITY OVER YOU who think that a woman who isn’t wearing a skirt suit should be held in contempt. It might be wrong, but I simply put that information out there as fact.

Other facts:

Wearing flip flops in a courtroom isn’t about fashion. It is about respect.

Flip flops are 100% inappropriate footwear for a courtroom. Just as they are inappropriate at a formal dinner, at the White House, in a church or on the House or Senate floor, they are inappopriate in a courtroom- and if you have the bad manners and tacky taste to wear them in a court room you’d better bet your bottom dollar I’m not only going to judge you, I’m going to seriously question your judgment. I’ve seen women wearing flip flops to court and I shudder- it has nothing to do with being archaeic & everything to do with decorum. If I’m wearing flip flops and the gentleman next to me is wearing polished wingtips with a pinstripe suit, french cuffs with cufflinks and a sharp tie, I exude an utter lack of respect for him. And while television programs & the occasional criminal attorney (heh, I couldn’t resist, THAT WAS A JOKE) might try to persuade you otherwise, lawyers should all treat one another as honorable and respectful adversaries. (Even when you hate them.  And their client. And their firm, their fax number and their secretary’s inability to ever just put you through to them without the 3rd degree.)

 

If you are in a setting so formal that a judge has to announce to a jury box that she has given the attorneys (male and female) explicit permission to remove their suit coats due to a malfunctioning air conditioner (and most of them opt to leave them on anyway), then you are in a setting that is too formal for flip flops. Capiche? The fact that people question this rule makes me ranty. And angsty. And downright mad. You DO NOT WEAR FLIP FLOPS IN COURT. ENOUGH SAID. /end rant/

But, because I can’t resist, and I’m fairly old-school myself, here are other fashion rules I live & die by, in all settings and I recite them as only my personal style guide that I’m sharing for entertainment purposes only:

 

1. I don’t wear white (pants, gloves or shoes) after Labor Day or before Easter Sunday.

2. If I’m invited to the White House I’m not wear jeans, flip flops or anthing that isn’t business formal. Even if I’m the member of a winning sports team.

3. You don’t wear flip flops or bare shoulders in a church of any faith.

4. Women don’t wear short-shorts on the golf course. Bermuda, skirts or slacks please!

5. You don’t wear white or red to a wedding unless you are the bride.

6. You don’t wear low-cut shirts, spaghetti straps, short skirts or shorts at all in your professional place of employment unless you want people to focus on things other than your wit, charm & brains. It has nothing to do with being distracting and everything to do with it being unnecessary.

7. An invitation to an event, in the South, that takes place after 6:00 in the evening on a Saturday is black tie unless otherwise noted or obvious, i.e. an invitation to watch a baseball game.

8. In a professional enviornment, if your shoe doesn’t have a hard sole & isn’t polish-able (exception given for suede shoes for women) then it isn’t appropriate.

9. A lady always removes her hat during the national anthem, no matter how fashionable it might be. For that matter, a lady always puts her hand over her heart as well. Even in the United Center during a Blackhawks game.

10. When invited to dine at a private club (country, yacht, golf, social or otherwise), always ask your host about the dining room’s dress policy. ( My Grandparent’s club only began allowing women to wear slacks within the last five years. And yes, they have no issue turning you away.)  

11. Bow ties & seer sucker suits are appropriate for the court room, although if you are above the Mason-Dixon line you might get some weird glances. But not from me! I’ll probably give you a hug.

 

 

Career Advice, Chicago, Lawyers, Soapbox