The main themes in my life are living, parenting, and working. These are my day in and day out. Lately though, as Gracie gets bigger and daycare pick up eats more time than our previous come-home-to-the-nanny-and-baby arrangement I’m feeling more pressed for time. It doesn’t help that work has been busier- my laptop comes out in the evenings far more often than it used to, just working to get things done, to meet deadlines, to submit drafts. Regardless, since the “living” and “parenting” come first, and the “working” is becoming a bigger load, other things are dropping by the wayside.
Some weeks it is dinners. We eat the easiest things possible, ordere pizza more than we should, eat Trader Joe’s frozen meals. Other weeks it is house keeping, the dust bunnies grow into dust horses, the clean laundry piles up unfolded. A housekeeper would help, but right now we are throwing more money at student loan payments than we’d like and I just can’t justify the added expense (right now). Some weeks I feel like a terrible Mom, exhausted 30 minutes before the baby goes to bed, not as engaged with the last little bit of playtime and snuggles as I should be. Lately it has been my organization. When we left for the Easter Egg hunt this past weekend I’d driven for 15 minutes before realizing I’d left the deviled eggs at home. I went out to run errands- the most important of which was to mail something- and came home with the envelope still in my purse. My husband has had to bring me my house keys at work, I’ve left work documents in the office or at home when I needed them in the other location. I’m feeling, in the words of Sandra Boynton, frazzled like a, um, frazzled thing.
I’m not the only busy person. In fact, I’ve seen a few news articles lately about how annoying everyone is when they talk about being busy. The fact is we are all busy, no one is special because their planner has too many items on a given day. We’ve grown accustomed to the go-go-go life, and as a result we are all pulled in a million different directions. I really miss some of the things I used to love though. My stack of magazines goes largely unread, it takes me a lot longer to finish a book. My closets are messier, my junk drawer is appalling, I can’t remember the last time I made a time-intensive dinner. (We used to eat risotto weekly). I miss the luxury of lazy mornings, movies in the evening, the time to plan something out.
I’m sure my answer will come. Work will slow down, the days will get longer. Gracie’s bedtime might move to 7:15 or 7:30, giving us a little more time together. I need to work on going to bed a little earlier- not wasting 40 minutes scrolling through nothing on my phone prior to closing my eyes- and prepping dinner ahead of time. Slowly a new balance will settle out, but in the meantime…if I forget my keys one more time…..